How I could make a very nice living

I am feeling rather low. Rather down. Almost depressed.

Hopefully it will pass; I had a really nice weekend in many ways, and enjoyed myself. It may be that I feel down simply because it sucks to go from a weekend of fun, drinking, playing snooker and spending time with my wonderful ex-girlfriend, back to the working week.

It was great to see her. We get on so well, we care about one another so much, we have so much history and so many good (and bad) times to remember. I miss her terribly – as a person, not really as a girlfriend. At least, I think so.

I also wonder sometimes if I made a mistake finishing with the recent Girl I Was Seeing. All my friends thought she was great; perhaps they should stop telling me that!

When I feel a little bit down (and I am generally one of the least depressive people you could ever meet) it is easy for some of the other issues in my life to pop up and add to the feeling; my pathetic money situation, and my lack of even a home to myself in particular. My mother returned from holiday on Saturday, and so I have to adjust back from three weeks of complete solitude and freedom to having somebody around all the time. Yes, I live with my mother at the moment - the result of my relationship ending and my financial woes.

On top of that, poker has really pissed me off over the last week or so. Two big PLO hands on Saturday morning summed it up. I got all-in on the flop with a big straight draw against two opponents. I missed and the guy with top set won; fair enough. And then I stuck a dude all-in on the flop when I had KKK on a board of something like KQ3, no flush draw. The river brought an Ace and he won with the broadway straight, for which he had only the weakest possible straight straight draw and nothing else. There was no way, based on my flop actions, that I could had any hand over which he was a favourite or even close to even-money.

Winning one of those two hands would have made for an okay session (actually, a very good session indeed if it had been the first hand). So it gets me down, especially losing to the bozo with eight outs who could still lose if he hit.

However, I am trying to look at the positive side as well: If I were granted the opportunity to play those two hands three times each per hour, eight hours a day, Monday to Friday, I would make a very, very nice living indeed thank you very much. In the first hand I was only 40% to win when the money went in, but was getting better than 2 to 1 on my money (the third guy in the pot had three outs in total, so me and the dude with the set basically carve up his money), and I was 70% to win the second hand.

So – I made exactly the right move both times. If you can keep getting good money in when you are huge favourite or you are getting way better than the right odds, then you win in the long run. Right? Right? All I have to do is not go stony broke in the short run…

Actually, I think the poker results have contributed to my feeling low. Or rather, if I were sitting here still running good then I think it would at least help. Instead I am back in a situation where - if this run continues - I could bust out. And that feels horrible. However, I have tended to have some of my best results when my back is against the wall like this.