Below the waterline

So, last night I did indeed make one awful, awful play. I was a 9/1 dog when I tanked $40 in on the flop with just a rubbish open-ended straight draw. I thought I was making a bold move against a pre-flop raiser with unimproved Aces.. never mind that the raiser had already shown himself over two days to be reluctant to bet if he missed the flop, and the other player still to act behind me.

As it happened I made the nut straight on the turn, but was still a 2/1 dog to win the hand and indeed the river gave the pot to one of my -better-placed opponents.

On the other hand, I was a 75% favourite to win a $109 pot when all the money went in on the turn later in the night. Having that hand hold up would have made an enormous difference to my night and eventual $195 loss. So I don't feel quite so bad. But still bad!

Its not losing the money that hurts, per se. I have a bottom line for my bankroll that I refuse to withdraw, so in a way that money would never have been touched and spent anyway. What hurts is going below that waterline, so that now I have to waste time playing just to get back to par - or, worst case scenario, lose further and have to make a deposit. I really, really do not want to have to do that.

I have tended to do well when my back has been against the wall like this; I guess it promotes strong focus. I feel ready to play thoughtful, strategic poker tonight.

One thought about last night's debacle that had not occurred to me before... Playing multiple tables renders such painful losses more likely. Sooner or later I was bound to have a session where I lost on all tables. And if I tilt a little then I am potentialy throwing money away on more than one table!

Why is it that of all nights, my mother had to choose last night to ask whether or not I was winning?! When I foolishly/truthfully said 'No, not tonight' I got a fairly ignorant barrage of concern about gambling and how its impossible to win, isn't it?

It better not be!